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Being Labeled As a…WOMAN…

This is a rant I have posted in my head and in and on other venues over and over again many times throughout my life.

Being labeled as a WOMAN – from one side or the other or a group of people or even fellow females!  It seems I am damned if I do – damned if I don’t…and guess what…I WON’T!

First…let me start off by saying…I  am a very complex person!  I have my own, STRONG personal opinions but don’t force them on others – I am a case by case basis type of person!  Let me give you some short examples so I can get to the rest of my rant…

I’m a Christian but I do not support the Christian Coalition…it drives me rather crazy!  I know Christianity is NOT the only religion, nor do I think it’s the superior religion.  It’s the religion I have chosen.  But I am also the type of person who appreciates and celebrates other peoples and their religion and my opinion that I feel strongest about it the FREEDOM of Religion – when it does come to that choice.

I’m a Vegetarian but I do NOT support PETA as an organization.  PETA does have some great info out there but I do not want them speaking for me on most issues.  I don’t like their advertising tactics either.  I don’t tell people what to eat because I don’t want them to tell me what to eat and I am not a militant vegetarian, I am a peaceful one.

Speaking for me and me alone…I would never get an abortion but it’s not up to me to tell others if they should or shouldn’t pursue one.  My big-beef when it comes to the abortion issue is that it’s this HUGE governmental topic when it shouldn’t be.  I don’t think the government should have any say in it!  It’s the person or couples decision to make…NOT mine…and certainly NOT the governments!  So if political parties want to call be Pro-Choice – I will let them!

But you know what…perhaps I am Pro-Choice on everything, now that I think about it.  I have an issue with groups of people telling me what I can and cannot do – what I should and should NOT do especially because of who I am, how I am, what I am, what I think, how I feel, or where I am from, or what I do!  Some people call that “having a problem with authority”.  I just say it’s “thinking for myself”.

Those are just a few short examples of what I mean by “complex”, I suppose, but here is the real reason for this post…

I’m sick and tired of people telling me how women should be and what they should do!

I went to college – some don’t like that I try to educate myself.  TOUGH..
I have had the same job for well over 10 years – almost 15 – some don’t like that I work.  DEAL WITH IT.
I think too much, too often, and for MYSELF.  As many of us know LOTS of people are afraid of that!  TOO BAD!

Getting a little more personal, here…

I have been married for 10 years.  I don’t have children.  I don’t want children.  Do I like kids? – SURE – but I don’t think Motherhood is for me.  I DO stand up for the right of children!  I like being around them but I don’t think just because I am a woman that I SHOULD have kids.  I don’t think enough people think about this!  I think most women think that’s automatically the next step in their lives and because society tells us it is – we must follow suit!  Or some women don’t think about the road ahead at all!  There are SEVERAL reasons as to why I don’t want to have my own children and I don’t want to get into that now.

Most people think because I don’t have children of my own I either hate kids or I can’t “have kids” because of a medical condition, for example.  NEITHER ARE THE CASE.

This is my choice.  

If by some strange occurrence I end up pregnant – YES – I would have the child.

What really FRIES MY ASS is when people come up to me and say “You’ll understand when you have a family of your own!”

EXCUSE ME!  Stop right there!

I have had a family of my own for 10 years now!  Families come in ALL shapes and sizes!  Just because I don’t have human children running around doesn’t mean I don’t have a family of my own!  The size of my family currently stands at 7 and we’ve been mourning the loss of a family member for going on 3 years now.

And just because I don’t have human children doesn’t make me any less of a woman!  Nor does it mean that it is my DUTY AS A WOMAN to HAVE children!  

I won’t tell other woman how to be mothers – it’s not my place – nor do I think I have it in me to BE a mother to begin with.  GOOD FOR YOU THAT YOU CAN, tho, more power to you!

But don’t throw that phrase around “You’ll understand when you have a family of your own!” – either!   What I do UNDERSTAND is that THAT is a narrow-minded way of thinking.  It’s demeaning!  Those who throw that phrase around are stereotyping just as much as the “next guy” who is trying to make choices FOR US…telling US we have to be a certain way or specifically DO something next in life just because that is the way it should be!  Jeez!  

YES!  I get fired about it!

Recently I lost one of my best friends – to what I feel – had something to do with this line of thought.  

She is a stay-at-home-mom.  DON’T get me wrong!  If you want to be a stay-at-home-mom – feel free!  It’s your choice!!!!  She has two small kids.  I have a 40+ hour a week job, serve on multiple boards and committees, work crazy hours, as does my husband, have extended family I spend time with, and have several interests I pursue.  

I could go on and on about my past relationship with this friend but I don’t feel like this is the right place to do that – but – one of the main reasons I am even bringing this up is because I seriously think she had a problem with me and my schedule and my choice and that I don’t have kids and don’t plan on having kids!


What will this prove?  Will it make YOU feel better?  What’s the point?  Do you say and do the stuff you do to me to make me WANT children?  Why?  AND…do you honestly think that I am going to change my mind JUST BECAUSE someone else “said so” or expects it?

Here’s a novel idea…YOU make YOUR Choices and I WILL MAKE MINE.

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